


Love You Goodbye

by TRPLKIM (zouology)



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Goodbyes, M/M, Royalty, a hanbin monologue basically, jinhwan is asleep the whole time, star crossed lovers, teach me how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 21:37:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19980904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zouology/pseuds/TRPLKIM
Summary: Hanbin can’t stay, but he knows his heart will never leave that room.





	Love You Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> "What a feeling to be a king beside you, somehow  
> I wish I could be there now"

Hanbin wakes up first and takes advantage of the few minutes of peace and quiet he has left, observing Jinhwan's sleeping figure beside him. He can only see part of his face, the rest of it swallowed by the soft pillow he's laid his head on. Hanbin tucks a strand of hair behind Jinhwan's ear and traces his smooth cheek with the tips of his fingers. 

Hanbin enjoys seeing him content and relaxed the most, and despises that soon he's going to be the cause of Jinhwan's unhappiness.  
Hanbin can't stay. He shouldn't have fallen asleep there in the first place, tangled in expensive burgundy sheets, but Jinhwan had been adamant, not allowing Hanbin to sneak away in the middle of the night. 

Hanbin can't stay, but he gives himself _just_ a couple of minutes more. His fingers travel down to caress Jinhwan's wide shoulder. Many times it had served as his personal pillow, particularly on difficult nights where Hanbin needed a literal shoulder to cry on. 

Hanbin's fingertips move to the expanse of Jinhwan's naked back, trace his spine tenderly. Jinhwan shivers in his sleep, goosebumps raising on his skin, and buries his face in the pillow even more, letting out a sigh. Hanbin smiles sadly; he _wants_ to stay.

But, as Crown Prince of the kingdom, he has duties to attend to. For Hanbin, today that means he will finally confront his father about the marriage the man has arranged for him. He knows he'll have to accept, like his mother had done before him and like his children will probably have to in the future. That doesn't mean he likes the idea. 

It's not that Prince Yunhyeong is a bad person; on the contrary, he's kind, cheerful and gentle, albeit a bit spineless at times, at least from what Hanbin has gathered so far. Being married to him wouldn't do Hanbin any harm, and it would bring both of their kingdoms the peace they've always strived to achieve. The reason of Hanbin's opposition is as simple as it is selfish: he's foolishly in love with Jinhwan.

Jinhwan, who despite holding himself with a regality Hanbin hasn't seen even on the best educated maidens in the kingdom, doesn't have a single drop of royal blood in his veins, but is son of merchants instead. Rich merchants admittedly, but still merchants, still not noblemen, still _commoners_ ; although Jinhwan is anything but common to Hanbin.

The marriage has been in the talks for months now and the royal court had been gossiping about it for even longer, but Hanbin doesn't think Jinhwan knows yet, even though his family works closely with lords and ladies of all kingdoms. Hanbin figures it's because as the youngest son Jinhwan doesn't handle transactions himself, and probably won't until his parents retire and his sister and him assume control over the empire they had built for them. 

Hanbin hasn't told him. In retrospect, he probably should have, but he has been too much of a coward. How could he tell Jinhwan that he was set to marry someone else, when he had spent entire nights listening to him plan their future together with the naivety of a child?

Hanbin didn't want to break Jinhwan's heart and —selfishly again — he didn't want their time together to be tainted by melancholy or the feeling that they were nearing a deadline. So, he kept mum about the affairs unfolding at court and instead only told Jinhwan about trivial matters or talked about his sister, his mother, Jiwon. It worked well for him, using Jinhwan as his personal anchor, as an oasis. Jinhwan's love was pure, unbiased and most important of all it was _real_. Jinhwan played no games and wasn't aiming for Hanbin's position. Hanbin didn't have to be guarded or look over his shoulder. 

Jinhwan turns on his back, still deep in dreamland, and stretches his body. Hanbin doesn't dare to touch him anymore, afraid he'll wake up, so he just watches him in the dim light of the dawn. He can see some of the marks he's left the previous night on Jinhwan's neck and chest and wishes he could have him one last time before they part ways forever. Hanbin _could_ , he reasons.

He could wake Jinhwan, they could make love and he could make the empty promise of returning soon and seal it with a final, burning kiss. But he won't. He's afraid that one look at Jinhwan's sincere eyes would make him fall apart, spill all the rioting feelings inside of him.

And what if Jinhwan asked him to stay? Hanbin would say yes, simple as that, and Jinhwan would pull him close with pure glee in his eyes, probably kiss him until they wouldn't be able to breathe anymore. But Hanbin has a duty towards the kingdom, has made the oath to serve it and to protect it, so he has to leave their warm love nest.

The truth is that Hanbin knows very well Jinhwan would never ask him to stay because he’s the most selfless and giving person he knows. He’d tell Hanbin to go and fulfill his destiny with choked up voice, he’d say his last _I love you_ and send him on his way. 

It would be _Hanbin_ , his perpetually weak self, to crumble at the first hint of Jinhwan’s tears and beg for forgiveness like a sinner in church —to hell with his father, the kingdom and its people.

Hanbin has to leave to avoid bringing shame to his family and their ancestors with a desertion.  
He can’t give Jinhwan the life he deserves anyway, he tells himself. He can't ask Jinhwan to be a mere lover —although the other would probably accept, for the sake of being close to him, despite putting his life at risk, if Hanbin’s father or Yunheyong's family ever found out about his existence. He'd "mysteriously disappear" and no one would ever know. _No_ , Hanbin needed him safe and sound, even if distant from him.

Hanbin takes a deep breath and studies Jinhwan’s expression as he sleeps, commits every detail of the man he loves to memory; his messy, raven hair, the slope of his nose, the somewhat alluring little mole on his cheek, his pale, soft skin. He doesn’t dare to look lower than his face and refrains to touch once again.

He’s sure Jinhwan will be just fine without him. He'll forget about the feelings he holds for Hanbin eventually, hopefully still treasuring the memories they share. Maybe he'll move to a normal life, without having to worry about a member of the royal family sneaking into his house every now and then, only for him to disappear after he's fallen asleep. He'll be allowed to walk with his significant other hand in hand, out in the sun, like he always wanted. Maybe with a beautiful maiden he'll meet for work, maybe with that apprentice, Junhoe, whom he often talks about. 

Hanbin’s face grows darker the more he thinks and he has to restrain the sudden bouts of unreasonable jealousy, paired with the strong instinct to hold Jinhwan into his arms and never let go. 

He _has_ to let go.

Hanbin can't stay, no matter how badly he wants to. So, he gathers himself and acts like he did in all previous instances: he untangles himself from Jinhwan and the sheets, gets dressed in his once pristine robes, climbs out of the window and, after giving his lover a last wistful look with the words _goodbye_ and _i love you_ hanging from his lips (but ultimately going unsaid), he disappears into thin air. 

Hanbin can’t stay, but he knows his heart will never leave that room.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I quoted two 1d songs in a non-1d fic, and?
> 
> Don't forget to hit me up on [twitter](https://twitter.com/TRPLKIM) and on [cc](https://curiouscat.me/vhology) MWAH


End file.
